dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
