But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
