my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
