Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
