I'm jealous of your bromance
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
