Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
