Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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