Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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