o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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