He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COCAINE IS GR8
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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