U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So vagazzling was a success
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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