This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
