Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
