We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
