last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
