You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize