they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
