I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The best walk of shames are on the highway
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
