Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I didn't notice because vodka
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
