I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
