so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize