Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
