my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My pussy is not your playground.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
