why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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