It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
