so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
