I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
