New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize