i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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