Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
