I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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