I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
