Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize