And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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