i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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