so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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