the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so let's talk penis.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
