Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
