He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize