Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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