Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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