Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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