The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
two words...techno handjob
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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