you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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