Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize