I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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