I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
