drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
