I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
