Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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