my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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