toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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