Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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