Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's never too late to be topless.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
