Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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