I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
