I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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