you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
