Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize