we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I will be naked everywhere
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
this is an emotional support booty call
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
