Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
