I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
