you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
