Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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