I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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