Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
