Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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