her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
two words: eviction party
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drake has all the answers
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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