it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
